


Disaster Artist

by Zenosyke



Category: Ranma 1/2, この素晴らしい世界に祝福を! | KonoSuba: God's Blessing on this Wonderful World! - All Media Types
Genre: Comedy, Comedy of Errors, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-16 13:58:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20833073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zenosyke/pseuds/Zenosyke
Summary: The fight with Saffron didn't end quite as smoothly as Ranma had hoped. Now he has bigger fish to fry in an unfamiliar world, accompanied by the three least trainable human beings he has ever had the dubious fortune of meeting. Demon King, watch out, you're standing between him and a cure for his curse!Yes, Aqua could fix it. No, he's not thought of that.





	Disaster Artist

“Ah, shit, I died didn't I?”

Last I remembered I was blowing Saffron and that damn mountain to kingdom come. Now I'm in some spooky void with some blue haired chick in fancy clothes behind a desk.

“Yes, you did!” She sounded way too cheerful. At least act a little solemn for the newly dead guy. “Quite the spectacular final moments, too. Not many mortals in your world could pull off something that relatively impressive!”

There was a whole lot I didn't like about how she phrased that, but I had questions I wanted answered before I set about antagonizing the woman who seemed to be acting as my shinigami. “Since ya seem to know how things went down, did I at least win? Is Akane safe?”

"Oh, yeah, yeah. She's fine. Everyone made it back home safely but you. You, however, got buried under some rubble and suffocated."

Man, what a boring way to die, all things considered. Wait. "How did I suffocate? Did nobody try to dig me out?"

"Nah, they looked for like 20 minutes and then gave up. Seems like they figured you'd dig yourself out eventually and make your way home." Seems like nobody considered that I might be tired after fighting China Fried Chicken and exhausting every trick I had along with some I didn't. 

"Anyway, back to the matter at hand. My name’s Aqua. I’m a goddess that guides young people who die in Japan."

"I clearly died in China."

"But you're Japanese so it still totally counts." Beyond the fact that didn't make sense, her smug face is mocking me. I wonder how much trouble I'd get in for trying to fight a God of death. "So, from here you have a couple of choices. Option the first would be reincarnating and beginning a new life; option the second would be the good, old heavenly retirement home."

My restraint finally faltered, "If you're just gonna half-ass the explanation, you should just make a pamphlet for people to read while you sit there looking cute or something." What, she's pretty attractive and I've come to accept that I really like blue hair. Also, I'm already dead and I've run out of patience so off comes whatever verbal filter I may have had.

I suppressed a crow of victory at the conflict I saw on her face. Self satisfaction with the compliment to her looks warred with my criticism of her work ethic. Looks like satisfaction won, neat. As much as I want to antagonize her even more for being a slack off, it's probably in my best interest to avoid it where possible. I don't know if she has the authority, but I'd rather not be reincarnated as a snail or a bug or one of those furry, hissing bastards because I prodded the wrong person.

"I'll ignore that sleight against this beautiful goddess and explain further. Heaven is boring, like seriously boring. Just a bunch of souls lazing around chatting because they didn't want to reincarnate. No food or drink, no games, and no bodies to enjoy them with even if there were some."

Well, that sounded kinda awful.

"I'm sure I don't have to explain reincarnation, but lucky you! I have an alternative to being born again with no memories! I preside over another world that's having a bit of an issue right now. A Demon King showed up and started killing a bunch of people and now all of those dead people are afraid to reincarnate because they're afraid of dying horribly a second time. At the rate things are going, people won't be able to have kids anymore because there won't be enough souls to go around!"

That sounds pretty bad, but somehow seemed incredibly wrong. Almost wish I'd played more attention in school now because that sounds like there's some bad math somewhere. 

Aqua continued on, "The brilliant plan to fix this, you ask? Bringing souls from other worlds to fill the void!"

I didn't ask *and* that sounds like a terrible idea, but it has clued me in on what she's gonna suggest. 

"Since we’re sending people over, we've been keeping an eye on people that’ve died young and still have stuff they want to accomplish and send them over with their original body and memories. Even more, since we can't have our transplants up and dying the moment they show up, you get to pick a special bonus. It can be a powerful ability, an exceptional talent or a piece of high tier gear. What do you think? It might be another world, but you get another shot at living and for the people of that world, someone will appear who can fight immediately. How about it? Isn’t this great news?"

This is a level of sketchiness I've not experienced since, well, since the last time I talked to pops. That being said, "It's a pretty tempting offer. What's this place like, anyway?" If I'm gonna do this I might as well know what I'm getting into.

"You ever play Dragon Quest?" She replied like that would tell me everything I needed to know. The Queen of half assing it. 

"I'm familiar with the name." Never saw the point killing my free time with video games considering how little of it I typically had. My response seems to have thrown her off a bit, which is fun.

"Final Fantasy?"

"Nope."

"Fire Emblem?"

"Sounds fancy."

"Suikoden?"

"Isn't that a book?"

Exasperated, Aqua shouted, "How do you even know that?!"

"I've spent an inordinate amount of time in China." I've been wantin' to use that word for a while. "Anyway, I don't really play games, so can ya just give it to me straight?"

She's pouting. I thought gods were supposed to be dignified or something. She's like if you put the Tendo sisters in a blender and it spat out all of the best physical attributes and the worst of their personalities. Its unreal. "It's a place like you'd probably see in a fantasy movie." She looked hopeful for a second before being crushed under the weight of my blank stare. "Gah! Swords and sorcery, monsters and magic, dungeons and dragons!"

"Oh, why didn't ya just say that?" I got a catalogue to the face for my question. Good aim, not a lot of power. 

Opening the thing revealed it to be Skymall for super powers. Weapons like Hrunting and Gae Bolg, special abilities with weird names like "Kaleidoscope" and "Reality Marble", and magic with names I wasn't even going to try to pronounce like "Anpu Neb Ta Djeser" and "An Gal Ta Ki Gal Se". Honestly I was just glancing it over. 

"Come on, pick something, there are more dead people waiting ya know." 

Where did the bag of snacks she was eating come from? Whatever, she's getting impatient, I've always learned best by doing, and at this point it seemed like I was going on a trip whether I liked it or not.

"All right, I just got one last question. When I beat this Demon King guy, what happens then?"

Perking up, Aqua responded, "Right! In addition to taking something you want with you to the other world, whoever defeats the Demon King is granted a wish!" Aqua then turned her head and began muttering, still loud enough to be heard, "And I get lavished with praise and faith for delivering everyone from evil. After rubbing it in Eris' face, of course."

I'm about to do something stupid, but I just can't let this stand. "Let's get going then."

"About time! What are you taking with you?"

"Lemme try that again. Let *us* get going. I'm taking you with me. I'm gonna whip you into shape."

It's just really clicking, but if she's a full blown deity like she has implied then that means that people worship her. Not only that, but when the bad guy goes down, she's gonna take most of the credit. I wasn't sure if this was within the rules, but it seemed worth the try. Those poor bastards clearly didn't know what they were worshiping, at least I hope not, so with any luck being forced into action will make her take her job more seriously. 

Ah, who am I kidding acting all high and mighty, it's spite. Raw, unfiltered spite. You just don't make fun of a guy who died in a freak accident like that.

"Wait, what? No! Absolutely n-" A pillar of light came down on each of us, cutting Aqua off. "No! No, this has to be against the rules! It has to be illegal or something, I'm a goddess!"

I'll be damned, I tried that on a whim and it seems to have worked. The way she's acting makes it seem like she didn't know this was possible either. How are you not going to even know your own rules?

Suddenly some angel or something appeared in bright light. "This sounds like a wonderful opportunity Lady Aqua, so I will take over for you while you're gone. Do enjoy the adventure!" I have several questions that I don't ask out loud. Aqua has minions? Why was she doing the desk job if she had minions? Aqua clearly has no idea what's going on at any given time, so who sent the angel to take over dead people paperwork?

Aqua and I both began floating upwards in our respective pillars. It's a cool feeling. I wonder if I can learn to fly when we get to this new place? It'd really take the Saotome branch of Anything goes to the next level. 

"Waaaaah!"

Yes, I'm ignoring the crying deity in the background. I feel bad now, but if there was one of us that was able to do something about the situation I would have figured it would be her. Nothing to do about it now but push forward and feel like I've probably made a terrible mistake. No time to really think on my decisions as we reach the ceiling(?) of the afterlife bureaucracy room and I'm blinded by another damned flash of light.

**Author's Note:**

> Something that's been bugging me while working on Facade.


End file.
